⚠️ CONTENT WARNING

This episode contains candid conversations about depression, grief, suicidal ideation, and suicide. Please listen with care.

This conversation reflects personal experiences and is not a substitute for professional mental health support. If you are experiencing a suicidal crisis or emotional distress in the United States or its territories, call or text 988, or visit the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

🎙 FLASHLIGHT

Season 23: The List

I did a quick Google search for the best flashlight on the market.

According to Ava’s review, the LiteForce Flashlight is one of the most powerful and versatile handheld lighting solutions available. Its LED produces up to 20,000 lumens, and its zoomable beam can shift between a wide floodlight and a focused spotlight.

It is compact, durable, rechargeable, and designed to provide light when someone needs it most.

But this episode is not really about finding the best flashlight on the market.

It is about recognizing when we need one.

My guest this week, Patrick Lomantini, describes himself as someone who became a great liar. He lied to other people, created different versions of himself, and deceived those around him.

But before many of those lies were spoken out loud, Patrick had already started believing the lies he told himself.

“I’m fine.”

“I have everything under control.”

“It isn’t that dark.”

“It isn’t that bad.”

Maybe that is what makes darkness so dangerous.

We can spend so much time convincing ourselves that we can still see clearly that we fail to recognize how far out of focus our lives have become.

We adjust to the darkness.

We hide what we are feeling.

We keep walking as though we know where we are going.

Until one day, we realize we cannot find our way out alone.

Sometimes the most powerful flashlight is the truth.

Truth exposes what we have been hiding. It brings the lies into focus, reveals how dark things have become, and gives us enough light to ask for help and take the next step.

📝 GUEST INTRODUCTION

Patrick Lomantini is the author of The First Lie I Ever Told.

Patrick openly shares how lying became part of the way he survived, performed, and presented himself to the world. He became skilled at deceiving others, but the deeper problem was that he had also become skilled at deceiving himself.

Over time, those lies affected his identity, relationships, decisions, and the way he viewed his own life.

Patrick’s story asks an uncomfortable question:

What was the first lie you ever told yourself?

Maybe it was a lie about who you needed to become.

Maybe it was a lie about what success would give you.

Maybe it was a lie about how much pain you could carry alone.

Maybe it was simply:

“I’m okay.”

Patrick’s journey is not only about the lies he told. It is about what happened when those lies could no longer hold his life together.

This is a story about deception, grief, depression, suicidal thoughts, survival, accountability, and the difficult work of bringing a life back into focus.

📝 EPISODE DETAILS

In this episode, Patrick and I discuss:

✔️ The first lie Patrick remembers telling himself

✔️ How the lies we tell others often begin with the lies we believe about ourselves

✔️ Becoming so comfortable with deception that it begins to feel normal

✔️ The different identities Patrick created and performed

✔️ The difference between appearing successful and actually being healthy

✔️ Why we minimize our pain by saying, “It isn’t that bad”

✔️ Patrick’s experiences with grief, depression, and suicidal ideation

✔️ What happens when the performance can no longer hold everything together

✔️ Taking responsibility without allowing shame to become another prison

✔️ Why telling the truth can be the first step toward healing

✔️ Recognizing when we need help

✔️ Finding enough light to take one more step

Throughout Season 23, we have been exploring The List.

The names of those who hurt us.

The people we resent.

The people we blame.

The people we struggle to forgive.

Patrick’s story adds another difficult layer to that conversation:

What happens when our own name appears on The List?

How do we face the lies we told, the people we deceived, and the damage we caused?

How do we accept responsibility while learning to forgive ourselves?

And how do we rebuild a life after finally admitting that it is darker than we wanted anyone to know?

📝 MEMORABLE QUOTE

“What is the first lie you ever told yourself?”

Every lie we tell someone else may begin with a lie we have already accepted about ourselves.

We tell ourselves that we need to perform to be accepted.

We tell ourselves that telling the truth will cost too much.

We tell ourselves that no one will understand.

We tell ourselves that we can handle the darkness alone.

But lies do not lead us out of darkness.

They only convince us that we do not need a flashlight.

The truth may not illuminate the entire road at once. It may not immediately repair every relationship or remove every consequence.

But it can give us enough light to see where we are standing.

Enough light to recognize the next step.

Enough light to reach for someone else’s hand.

Enough light to keep going.

📝 CONNECT WITH PATRICK LOMANTINI

Learn more about Patrick, his story, and his work.

🌐 Patrick Lomantini’s Website | 📖 The First Lie I Ever Told | 🔦 KYLI

📝 LISTEN & FOLLOW OTHER PEOPLE’S SHOES

You do not need a flashlight when everything is already bright.

You need one when the darkness has made it difficult to see what is true, where you are standing, and which direction you should take next.

Sometimes that flashlight is a friend.

Sometimes it is a counselor.

Sometimes it is a spouse or family member.

Sometimes it is a crisis counselor answering the phone.

Sometimes it begins by finally saying:

“It really is that dark, and I need help.”

We may not be able to remove someone else’s darkness, but we can sit beside them, listen to them, and help them find enough light to take the next step.

That is what it means to walk in Other People’s Shoes.

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📝 LEAVE US A REVIEW

📝 Leave a Review

Did Patrick’s story challenge you to recognize a lie you have been telling yourself?

Did this episode encourage you to stop minimizing the darkness and reach for help?

Your rating and review help more people discover these conversations. Your words may help someone find a little light when they are struggling to see a way forward.

📝

Thank you for listening, sharing, and walking in Other People’s Shoes.

If you enjoyed this episode, please consider leaving a review by clicking here.